So, yeah, it's been awhile.

I meant to write. I mean to every day. It's just that the only free time I have is naptime and bedtime, and frankly I'm using those times to catch some sleep myself these days, since my almost-11-month-old baby is sleeping like a newborn. I can't remember the last time I got more than four hours of sleep in a row, and the sleep deprivation is robbing me of my creative impulses, not to mention my will to live.

The husband joined the National Guard, and has one week to go of his 3 weeks of annual training. He'll be gone for all of October for more training, and then if things go as planned, he'll be headed to Officer Candidate School in January for 8 weeks, followed by more OCS and training for whatever branch he winds up in, all of which could total around 6 months. Penny and I are staying with my dad, who has kindly taken us in so as to save me from a breakdown while my spouse is off playing Army.

Things are stressful. I'm dealing, sort of.

I don't know how single parents do it; I'm ready to throw in the towel after only 2 weeks of parenting without my husband. I love this baby, but GOOD LORD does it seem like she's trying to kill me half the time. I spend about 50% of my time feeling completely inadequate and unsuited to motherhood, and the other 50% trying not to cry. There is a blog post in my head about that. Hopefully I can pry it out sometime in the near future.

Posted byMJ at 8:44 PM  


Julie said... 10/18/2009 8:22 AM  

You can do it Molly! I hope things are going well. Been there, done that with the "off at a school" stuff. They were the most frustrating, tiring, impossibly lonely times EVER. And the frequency and duration with which they occured ultimately was one of the top 3 reasons that - well you know. All I can tell you girl is I feel your pain uniquely. Take some time every week for you. Look into some daycares that you can do hourly care and drop her off when you need a break, or see if some family can come visit and let you get some sleep.

Loved the Feb blog about the "Appropriate Response to Motherhood". I think some women lie to themselves so often that they forget it's a JOB as well as a JOY. It's ok to say you are totally overwhelmed and not feeling totally adequate to the task. Especially when the little ones need constant care. I never had any family close by to lend a hand, so it was hard and frustrating and at times I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom and hope if I opened the door the house would be clean and quiet. Of course, I can't lie to you and tell you that it gets any better because you will get the inevitable call from the teacher, or other parent of some child she has upset, (god forbid) the police station or other lovely impending disaster. You have hormones, boys, teenagerdom and oh so much more on the horizon girlfriend. All you can do is raise them as best you can, teach them what they should do and hope they do it. So I guess I can understand why people think the first year is so great. Babies can't walk or talk so you don't have to chase them around and tell them to sit down and shut up! You're a terrific Mom, and you do a great job. Just because you get tired and frustrated doesn't make you a bad person!

I wished we lived closer to lend you a hand, even just to have another adult around for a few hours to tell you "Sit down, I got this!" Drop me an email if want, I'm always around to lend a sympathetic ear.

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